3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
