Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
