before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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