I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
