I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i was born a porn star she said
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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