it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
