If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
