Who wears a wallet chain?!
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
