i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
