what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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