Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i out mim tonsoeep
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