wakey wakey hands off snakey
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
