Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize