Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
