I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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