Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
