I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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