I hope mine doesn't look like that
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
