Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
