Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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