I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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