if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
