I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
