she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
did i just pee glitter
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
