My entire life is one complicated drinking game
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
