are you so shy because you have an std?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
