She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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