I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
