I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Randomize
