My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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