would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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