I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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