I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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