You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
