he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize