she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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