Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
