I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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