if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
