I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you mean i was at the winter classic?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
