he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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