Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
