there's paper in my vomit.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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