Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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