It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
