I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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