We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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