***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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