I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize