The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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