batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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