Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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