She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
