are you still at the devil's house?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
