Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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