Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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