the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
