So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
