Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize