I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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