I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
