Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
