If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
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