Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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