His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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