1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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