you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
