he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The power of my boobs compel you
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
