awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
