Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
