gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
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