There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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