best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I have post one night stand depression
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
