Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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