Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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