I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
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