grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
