Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
