She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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