the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
