this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize