didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
