***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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