I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I wear drunk well.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
