When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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